Another draft…the title is “who is there”…wow, just wow. I started this titke weeks ago..and now looking back…I realise that this is how I felt. Alone. I started to write, then just couldn’t. So I started walking, going places. Going to see people. Getting out of the misery that was trying to seep in. At the same time, I started praying more, I took my bible out and I read it. I looked for churches to attend. I put my head phones in and started to listen to some awesome praise music! I learned that when you are too afraid to cast your fears and worries onto someone close to you, give it to God. PRAY always. Thats my way. It helps. Every single time that I am in a dark place, or I feel like I’m underwater, its always the LIGHT that I am looking for. The peace. Everything refers to “the light”…like “the light at the end of the tunnel”…to me, that light, is God. His grace has saved me over and over again. So when you feel alone….just know that you are not. This will pass just like every time before. There will always be light at the end of the tunnel. Keep your head up! Never stop reaching! Never stop. God gives his hardest battles to his strongest warriors. You got this! The victory will be yours.
Going through some saved drafts that I never finished and this title was one of them….this should be proof to anyone who thinks that the only option is to give up, that’s a lie! Dont ever believe that lie! Talk about your feelings! Write about your feelings! Don’t sit in misery. Get up, get dressed, go to Duncan for coffee..lol take out your umbrella and weather that storm! You got this! Our journey isn’t over; rainbows only come after the rain. Weather the storms, find the beauty in the meaning of them and know that they make you stronger! 💓LOVE
So…it has been a while since I have written on my blog. I have been going through some things….ive been stuck at home all day with no car…doing the same thing day in and day out….it gets old. I started feeling all the depression and anxiety setting in. I’m not happy right now. It shows. Its obvious. I went from just writing how I feel to just being vocal. Either way, I always feel better to get it out. I read a lot, when my 4 year old son takes naps, today I read something written by a friend that I love so much! She wrote about her journey….she wrote about her life, and I realised a lot of things. Her bravery brought me back. Its just not about me. My purpose is not just for what I think. God has so many things in store for me, and I have no idea! I honestly believe that we are all here for a greater purpose than we could ever imagine. When you are in a situation like I am, you have to make a shift. You have to change something. Go for walks. Take a $3 bus ride. TAke time for you, clear your mind. Focus on the good things in life. Love yourself because you are perfectly and wonderfully made. We will always be caterpillars if we never teach ourselves to transform into butterflies💓 get up! Get out! Smile! Laugh! LIVE💓 LOVE💓
I know its been a long time since I have wrote down my thoughts. I have had some quite mind blowing experiences this past week. I watched a webinar on depression and anxiety. I started LISTENING to the people around me more instead of waiting to reply. Watching. Paying attention to others needs for once instead of worrying about how it will affect ME in the end…and these may seem ljke small things to others, but for me, its huge! For who I am, its huge! Lol I have really learned how loved I am. How I am surrounded by people that know me, and know when I’m not being myself. The real me isn’t angry, or sad, the real me makes people laugh, because I know what its like to be sad. The real me gives advice, makes someone smile, because being angry is draining. Resting bitch face has been glued to me. Thats not me. When your body and mind are sending signs, listen to the signs! If you are feeling stressed, anxious, sad, or uncomfortable in a situation…change it. If you have to admit that you are the reason….admit it! Whatever the reason that darkness (depression) starts seeping in….pay attention to the signs and move. Whatever you are burdening, face it! Even if it is yourself, fight! I always strive to be someones sunshine, I know who I am very well, and when I start becoming someone else, I can feel it. I hate who I am when I am depressed. I push through it, because giving up is not an option! I am stronger than I know, I realise this everyday! I only surround myself with people who support and encourage me, it helps! No room for negativity on my journey! I have too many goals💓 I feel so blessed😚 its just something special each time I have a break through! This is MY journey and I am in control! I know who I am and no one can tell me any different😎 seeing others smile because of me, well, thats just plain awesome and I will keep reaching! Joy.
One thing is for sure…depression disorder will ALWAYS have you thinking! Sometimes my thoughts wander so far, but it isn’t necessarily a bad thing sometimes. I used to have a lot of bad days in my life and I was consumed in anger, self hate and had just given up pretty much. I thought that my life couldn’t be any better, that this depression disorder defined who I am…but thats not necessarily all true. Although there will be days that I will wake up sad, or aggravated for no reason, lol, or symptoms of anxiety will kick in, I will never stop fighting again. I look at things in a different perspective now. The clouds will always come, but the sun always comes too! I like sunny days the most! So when I feel “bad” I push through until the sunlight comes back. Always look on the bright side of life! I’ve realised a lot of truths about myself that I think will help me! Mainly, that I am selfish! That was a hard pill to swallow but man is it so true! Its always been about how I feel….no wonder I push people away. I’ve just been observing life lately, and people around me, I’ve gotten them to open up about how they see me…it was intensely eye opening. I have to change it. People literally walk on egg shells around me, they avoid certain subjects to avoid upsetting me…man. I dont want that. I need to change. I need to be sefless instead of selfish. Quick to listen and less quick to react. Just thoughts.
Hello everyone! I’m Laura, I suffer on a daily basis from a depression disorder. Its not an easy life. Those who suffer will know this. The constant feelings, the never ending thoughts in your head, feeling worthless and unlovable. Feeling like you are judged constantly. There are so many things I could go on and on…but for me, the worst feeling, is that you are alone in this world and everyone is against you. I will share my testamonies on a daily basis so you can see life from my perspective. I will share things that beat me down in life, and everything that I have overcome. Things that I have put others through, my life. I can tell you how I personally have come to understand my own sickness and things that I do understanding myself better. How I had to get to know me, and love me. Anyway, thats just it…lol I’m going to babble away because its my blog! Much love and enjoy!💓🎤